Before you visit our new baby…
When friends and family have babies, it can be an exciting time.
Source: Kelly Sikkema for Unsplash.
So many of my friends are having babies at the moment.
Heck, why not? It’s the start of spring and nine months since January (#NewYearsSurprise), so it stands to reason September/ October are the busy months in the maternity wards.
But with all the baby fever right now, it’s got me thinking about newborn visitation etiquette and what that looks like for parents today – now that we are more ‘woke’ on the topic with the internet providing so many different opinions.
Some mums insist on no visits for those who haven’t been given the jab recently, some insist on strictly no-one who has been sick, while others have other rules like no kids or no visits at all until everyone is home safe.
With so many diverse rules and regs for those well-wishes coming to congratulate mum and dad, what is the right thing to do and how far should you enforce them with your friends and family?
The feedback I've gotten from almost every source highlights the importance of mum and bubs’ comfort in the circus that is a new baby. So mums, rest easy knowing that whatever your wishes are, you are truly entitled to make them kindly to your entourage, as this is a life-changing time for you – so ultimately, you call the shots because you have to be comfortable!
Based on that, here are a few things to remember when visiting friends and family with a new baby:
Always call before visiting…
Source: Priscilla Du Preez for Unsplash.
1 Always Ask First
When a new baby arrives, both mum and dad are experiencing a whirlwind of emotions, they are exhausted, and all they want to do is meet and bond with their bub. This might mean they are too preoccupied for the outside world, not comfortable having a room to entertain, or if mum is going through something (postnatal complications or trauma) she may not feel up to having visitors. This is why it’s so important to call or message ahead before turning up. Give parents the right of refusal. If they say ‘no’, don’t take it personally. Instead, express to them you’ll see them when they are home settled and leave it for them to tell you when. If they say ‘yes’, go cuddle and be merry!
Stay at home if you’re sick!
Source: Brittany Colette for Unsplash.
2 Don’t Spread The Love
If you’re sick or have recently been sick, don’t come and visit baby. Stay at home and recover, then catch up with the new parents later on. New babies have not developed adult-strength immune systems yet, which makes them very vulnerable to colds and flus from the outside world. It’s best you don’t share the love within the first few weeks of birth, as the new parents are already struggling to get a routine going – they don't want a sick bub on top of it all!
Also, even if you're well, make it a rule of thumb not to get too close if you do visit. Sure a cuddle is great providing you’ve washed your hands, but kissing is out of the question. Even if you’re not sick, you may be carrying something – and some sicknesses can be dangerous for newborns.
Leave the crazy tribe at home and appreciate this kid-free moment (well, sort of…).
Source: Ben Wicks for Unsplash.
3 Kids Gloves
Before bringing your own kids to the hospital or the new parents’ home, ask them if it’s okay. Kids, especially those at school or daycare age, often pick up germs from their friends, may be experiencing illness or might overwhelm the new parents who are probably already overloaded with their own kid. Don’t worry, they love your kids normally, but right now they are finding their feet. So make your visit as relaxing as possible and ask whether your kids are invited too. They might love it or hate it, but give them the option. When mum and dad have a routine and feel confident as parents, they’ll probably invite your whole family back again sometime anyway.
Offer up your help instead of wanting to be entertained.
Source: Volha Flaxeco for Unsplash.
4 Give Support
If the new parents have requested no visitation or entertaining in the first few weeks, you can support them in other ways. Ask (without judgement) if you can do anything for them like pick up groceries or help take care of home duties, or maybe meal prep for them. Offer to babysit so mum and dad can have a sleep. Ask mum if she needs any kind of specific support and let her know you are there for her – mums are so often overlooked when babies arrive! Visiting doesn’t mean the new parents have to entertain you. Seeing the baby could come in the form of you going over to vacuum their home while they take care of business.
Give an easy yet thoughtful gift!
Source: Supplied.
5 The Art Of Giving
Lastly, be mindful of the gifts you give when you do come to visit.
I worked in a hospital for about a year as a receptionist. I would often see new parents leaving hospital, and the first load to the car would always be reserved for the magnitude of flowers, stuffed bears and fruit boxes the new mums had been given post-birth, plus anything she had brought to hospital herself. Then finally, ambling down to the car would be mum, with dad clutching the car capsule containing the ultimate precious cargo. Sometimes this process could take half an hour or more, and this was after discharge had taken place!
Gifts are great and parents appreciate them – especially after difficult births to brighten a room. But if you know that mum and dad have already received so much love, consider doing something a bit different that they don’t have to carry to the car on home day. And there’s so many other options!
For instance, one thing I’ve heard from new mums after the birth of their child is that the experience is a complete, exhausting blur. It’s hard to appreciate the ‘now’ when navigating new parenthood. Consider the gift of a newborn in-home shoot to preserve the memories of these new moments the parents can look back on and remember when they are well-rested. It’s a gift you don’t have to haul home and something that can be appreciated for many years to come.
With these five rules of visiting a baby, you’ll be well-equipped for visiting hours and the experience will be memorable for all – whether it’s at the hospital or at home!
Congrats to all the October parents!
Anything you want to add to our etiquette list? Let us know!
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